No one told me that life was a game of Musical Chairs...

At a certain age, the music stops and you're left without a chair, i.e. a partner.  If you stand for too long, you will get tired...you will collapse from exhaustion.

In my twenties most people thought I was pretty, smart and happy.  That I could have anyone and anything I wanted.  
I always had a boyfriend, I was a successful ER nurse, living a carefree life.  I was NEVER alone. In my recent marriage, I was very happy with a successful husband and 7 children.  We lived in a beautiful suburban home with a pool, always entertaining friends and family.  We traveled the world!  An amazing and perfect life, until my world crashed down with his infidelity. Since my divorce, I lost a sense of who I am or who I was.  I sometimes do not even believe those times actually ever were. 

I am lonely now, tired of making all the decisions... aching for a human connection.  Still, though, by outward appearances, people assume I am happy and loved.  That surely since I have remained a somewhat attractive, kind and smart woman, I must not be lonely, but I am very lonely and I am struggling to find love and belonging. I am grateful for my children and the love that we share.  It is a different love that I miss.  One they cannot be responsible for. The holidays, especially, can be harsh and unbearable.  All the Christmas music playing, everyone is "dancing", yet there are still no chairs available.  

I have no real friends left.  I have moved a lot and therefore I lost my friends along the way.  My life had revolved around his friends and family, whom I lost when the marriage crumbled. With the busy world we live in, no one has time to stay connected or to make time to foster a new relationship.  
I want to feel loved and give love.  Something I once took for granted, now eludes me...

Left feeling as though shattered is the new state of my being. All the King's Horse and All the King's Men Could Not Put Me Back Together Again.  This in no way means that I am an unlovable person.  There is someone for everyone, right? Where is my accepting someone...my chair?

Musical Chairs.  The music stopped and I did not get a chair.  I was too busy looking for the best and most comfy chair...A chair is a chair...or is it?  Should we be picky and wait for a chair that will hold us for years to come or settle for the folding chair that can collapse and fall away?  I'm exhausted and I can no longer stand.  I need a place to sit and someone to depend on...to support me...to give me rest...to tell me everything will be okay. It used to be that men gave up chairs for women.  This is no longer an option...everyone wants a damn chair!

In my quest to find a chair and find myself, perhaps I should become a maker of chairs.  Really comfy and safe chairs.  

Chairs that play their own music.  Then the music would never stop and I could both dance and have my chair for the occasional support. 



 


Comments

Its true that in life we get only one chance and its the time to choose the best partner. If we look for the new things we will probably miss the one we have. I would say that don't loose hope in your life, be strong and you never know what will happen tomorrow. May be the best is quite close to you.

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02/12/2017 07:59

Thank you so much for reading my article and thank you for your kind and hopeful comment. Intriguing and supportive. I am, indeed, keeping the music playing until I find my chair. :-)

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02/15/2017 03:52

Perhaps you just have to wait until he arrives. I know you're suffering a lot, but you really have to be strong. There are really times in our life where we are going to have a lot of choices in our life. I am happy that you decided to start choosing and start building your own. You don't have to depend on other people because we really have to be dependent, especially we are already on the right age. I am sorry because your husband and friends leave you. Start caring about yourself and always retain in mind that God is always here for us, that's one reason that we are not alone.

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02/15/2017 08:48

Good morning! Thank you for stopping to read this post. I agree that we do have choices. Sometimes we make choices that we think, at the time, are the best choices. However, hindsight is 20/20. Many of the people who chose to leave, have a different path they wish to travel and that is okay. Life is a journey... hopefully a long one. But, we do get tired and need to rest, from time to time. Thank you.
All the best. :-)

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Hmm, maybe you are right. I really like this point of view. You are so wise!

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04/09/2017 16:32

Hi! Thank you for reading my post and I am flattered to be called wise! Let's just say that I have been through a lot of ups and downs in my relationship life. Some of it has been absolutely amazing! I have, more recently, adopted this point of view after experiencing a majority of dating debacles, since my divorce and the invention of
e-dating. I do believe the more I live and the older I get, it seems that all the chairs are taken, but the music is still playing.
Keep the hope alive! Take some carpentry classes! Or perhaps, be your own chair. :-) Nah... build one.

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08/18/2017 02:12

We are all searching for ourselves! And finally we will find what we need!

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08/31/2017 18:17

It's a very good web. I just can't wait for the next update!

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